Repeats Suck
by It'sMyFavoriteSong
Summary: This is kind of a parody of all of the Tiva stories out there that are all exactly the same. No offense to anybody intended, just having some fun. Obviously some sarcastic Tiva is included.


**I've been thinking about this for awhile, but since I haven't had a computer in two months… yeah… **

**So, I want a head count- how many of you agree with me, and how many think I'm being over-dramatic?**

"Good morning Sweet Cheeks!" Tony called the only nickname he knew to his favorite Ninja as he entered the bullpen that morning.

"Hello My Little Hairy Butt," she replied as expected, rolling her eyes.

"What, not glad to see me? The probie would be glad to see me… Where is McAbsent?"

"Down with Abby, and before you ask, Gibbs is in MTAC with the director, because that's the only place anybody can think to put him so we can be alone in the bullpen together."

"I see," said Tony thoughtfully. "And how is McRomeo Getting along this fine morning?"

"McRomeo?" Ziva questioned.

"Well yeah, everyone knows he and Abby are completely in love but Abby isn't ready and McSheepish gets too nervous to do anything when it comes to her."

Just then Gibbs came down the stairs saying, "Grab your gear, dead Petty Officer in Norfolk."

"On your six Boss," Tony called after the fearless leader.

SOMETHINGTOBREAKUPTHETIMELINE

"So whatd'ya think Sweet Cheeks? Serial Killer?"

"Possibly… the MO matches two other conveniently similar murders in the past month."

Just then Gibbs came stomping into the bullpen. "Director wants us up in his office," he said gruffly. When nobody made to move he added a forceful "NOW."

The team made there way up the stairs and into the Director's office, Tony closing the door behind them.

"We just received intel from the FBI claiming that our serial killer is planning on coming after your team for no apparent reason. You are to to be placed under protective custody for the duration of the case."

"But Director," Ziva argued, "we are all trained federal agents, and I am an assassin! We can take care of ourselves, plus, we are all much too stubborn."

"Be that as it may, it's out of my hands… Sec Nav's orders. We would send you under cover, but that's already been done."

SOMETHINGTOBRAEKUPTHETIMELINE

Tim walked into Abby's lab and immediately covered his ears.

"ABBY!"

"Timmy! Oh, sorry," she grabbed the remote and lowered her music before turning back to her companion. "What's up?'

"We're being put in protective custody."

"What! Aww… but my plan T was going to go into action tomorrow!"

"We're up to T already? Wow."

"Yeah I know, and I have a good feeling about this one."

"Let me guess, because it's T for Tiva?"

"Am I really that easy?" Abby asked with a guilty wince.

"Sorry Abby."

"It's okay Tim," she said, back to her overly bubbly self.

"So tell me about this plan…" McGee started, but was interrupted by Abby's sigh.

"They have to get together this time, or I will kill them and leave no forensic evidence, because since it's cannon, that's the only threat I can use. I have worked too long and too hard on this project, and I think it's time I was rewarded!" She ended her rant with a dignified shout.

"Rewarded for what, Abs?"

"Gibbs!" Abby exclaimed, putting on her best pouting face. "McGee told me that you guys have to go into protective custody. What _is _that? I mean, you're the Gibbs Squad, you don't get taken down by a serial killer, that's just not how it goes."

"I know Abs, they'll be back in a few days."

"They?" she asked. But Gibbs just grinned his Gibbs-ish grin and left without a word.

SOMETHINGTOBREAKUPTHETIMELINE

Tony and Ziva were toe to toe, seemingly about to kill each other, when Gibbs walked into the bullpen shouting, "Go home, pack up, not sure how long this safe house crap is gonna last."

McGee jumped up and practically ran to the elevator, eager to get away for his sexually tensed colleagues. Tony and Ziva, however, took their time.

"Well Sweet Cheeks, I guess I'll be seeing you."

"You do know we will see each other tomorrow, right?"

"You would love that, wouldn't you?"

"Remember, Tony, I can kill you eighteen different ways with a paperclip."

"Yeah, I know, but this entire office is practically waiting for us to jump each other."

"Yes, I believe the pool is in the thousands now."

They laughed together as they walked to the elevator.

SOMETHINGTOBREAKUPTHETIMELINE

The next day...

"Alright guys, we only have two bedrooms so-" here McGee was interrupted by Tony's obnoxious voice saying-

"Woah woah woah… hold it right there, there are _three _of us, McMath."

"Yeah Tony, I know but-"

"So _why _did we only get two bedrooms?" Ziva asked.

"Well I-"

"Aren't you the computer guy? Why didn't you do something about this?"

"I just found out this morning, Tony, what did you want me to do?"

"Well you could've-"

"HEY!" They turned to look at the irritated assassin.

"Yes, Zeevah?"

"Sheket! Al taatzben otti." And with that she walked into the master bedroom and slammed the door.

Tony and McGee stood staring at the door, they looked at each other, then at the remaining bedroom…

SOMETHINGTOBREAKUPTHETIMELINE

"Alright, yup, got it, uhuh, bye."

"That the Boss?" McGee asked.

"Yup."

"Aaaannnd…?"

"That is none of your concern, McNosey."

"Tony, can you please try and get through this without being and ass?"

"Probie! Let's remember who's the probie and who's the Senior Field Agent, alright?"

Ziva groaned. It had only been 24 hours, and everyone was already going stir-crazy. "Tony," she called and smiled when he almost immediately poked his head around the corner. She had him wrapped around her big toe, no that's not right… she'd have to ask Tony later. "What did Gibbs want?"

"Well Zeevah, since you asked so nicely," at this he threw a glare at McGee, "We got an anonymous tip that our guy would be accompanying a lady to dinner at the Presidential tonight.

"So we are going undercover?"

"Yup. You bring a dress?"

"Of course."

"Wait, who says you two are going?" McGee demanded. But only received matching looks of exasperation in return.

"How many people here can work all that techy stuff?"

"Um, me?"

"Exactly, so why would we send you, if you're the one we need to stay here?"

McGee sighed and walked back to the kitchen, grumbling to himself the whole way.

SOMETHINGTOBREAKUPTHETIMELINE

"Alright, you guys are to stay until nine, make sure you have his attention, and go to the hotel room, which he knows you have, so don't forget that it's probably bugged. Think you can handle that DiNozzo?"

Tony wasn't paying attention, he was staring at his partner. Ziva was wearing a tight, dark blue dress that came down to her calves with a slit that went up to her mid thigh. It had exactly 179 sequins that went from the left collar bone to her right hip. They were 2/8 of an inch wide and silver. It also had little tiny clear beads mixed in with the sequins. The designer probably wanted it to give the appearance of a night sky, and It looked like it would have been around $120. Ziva was also wearing black stilettos and had a black clutch. Tony himself was looking quite spiffy in a black Armani suit and a dark blue tie that complemented Ziva's dress.

They made their way to the restaurant, and easily spotted their target, who was conveniently seated in just the right spot for Ziva to keep an eye on him.

When nine o'clock hit, the two agents stood and went to the parking lot, where they got in the barrowed red Ferrari and went to the hotel.

Walking into the room, Tony caught Ziva's eye and they had a silent conversation. After approximately four minutes of telepathic argument, they came to an agreement. Ziva moved forward to capture his lips in a perfect kiss. It was better than that time they went undercover, and much more real. This was much the same. They were still being watched, but they weren't pretending.

The next day, they got a call that their undercover stunt had somehow helped to catch the guy.

DONTWORRYITSALMOSTOVER

Tony and Ziva had many ups and downs, but they were happy. The biggest problem was rule 12, but when they asked Gibbs' permission to break it, all he said was that he had been expecting it and that they had his blessing.

Abby won the pool, but when she found out that it was tax deductable because it was technically gambling winnings, she gave it all to the nuns.

THE END

*Sheket! Al taatzben otti- Shut up! Don't piss me off.

**READ READ READ**

**So, that was actually pretty fun, and YES it was supposed to be that bad. Ok, whoever can name the most sarcastic/cliché moments gets **_**not only**_ **a virtual cookie, but also a oneshot dedicated to them and for whatever genre they want… will THAT make you people review? Sheesh.  
**


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